The Need to be Right controls us much more than we realize. It affects us many times a day, making a tiny argument bigger than it needed to be. Suddenly, we are arguing over what the right price of a product is with a shopkeeper. Or we are debating the right way to clean the dishes with our spouse and children. AT work, we feel threatened when our colleague says something in a presentation that questioned a statement we made earlier. And then we walk away from those arguments with our heart racing and our stress levels elevated. It takes many moments, even hours, for us to calm down and come back to an undistracted, peaceful state.

The Need to be Right is triggered by a Fear that we are not good enough. If we felt OK within ourselves, if we felt at peace with ourselves, it wouldn’t matter to us if someone proves us wrong in a topic. But since we are feeling insecure, since our imposter syndrome is kicking in, and because we think there is something wrong with us, even the smallest disagreements can make us feel threatened and smaller. That is why when someone has a different point of view than us, or someone questions our way of doing things, we think it makes us less of a person. Our ego gets immediately threatened, and jumps up to defend and argue.

What does not feeling good enough do? It triggers the fear that we will be rejected or abandoned if we are not good enough. And this fear of rejection can make us jump up to do things for other people so they will like us and not reject us. There are many words for this. People-pleasing, fawning, or being a “nice” person. This is doesn’t lead to long-term happiness as we only Do to be loved, rather Do from love. And then we Do and Do and Do to exhaustion, but it never makes us feel worthy.

The other way feeling not good enough manifests is that the smallest perceived slight triggers our Ego. Or the tiniest questioning of our “Rightness”. Rightness in Wisdom, Rightness in Intelligence, Rightness in Knowledge, Rightness in Experience, etc.

But the Need to be Right manifests very differently from the Desire to People-Please. Although both come from the same inherent “Not Feeling Good Enough” and “Fearing Rejection and Abandonment”, the Need to Be Right makes us Argumentative, Aggressive, Controlling and Difficult. And it self-sabotages our lives. By jumping up to defend and then digging its heels in, the Ego is doing the very thing we fear: making us a “Difficult” person who is increasingly disliked and shunned. Or at a minimum, making us the nagging spouse or parent or boss more often than a happy spouse or parent or boss on a daily basis.

But here is the thing. Not feeling Good Enough is a normal human condition. We all feel like that. We all have insecurities. We all feel like imposters. And obviously, advertisements and social media making us feel smaller and lesser than ourselves don’t help. So don’t let “Not Feeling Good Enough” rule and ruin your life.

Believe me, I am speaking from personal experience.

Learn to identify in yourself the rising Need to be Right. “Oh, I am feeling myself digging in here”. “Hmm, why am I still arguing 5 minutes later about something that really doesn’t matter to me?” “Oh, my breathing feels fast and shallow, my heart rate feels elevated”. “Wait. Why do I feel stressed for no reason, over something that isn’t important”.

And then start asking yourself:
“Would I rather be Right or be Kind?”
“Would I rather be Right or be Happy?”
“Would I rather be Right or be at Peace within Myself?